Title: The Kiss
Authors: Loren Q & Louise Wu,  Email Us
Pairing: A Pendrell story for Krycek lovers (sort of M/K and Sc/P).
Rating: NC-17
Warning: Fluff
Spoilers: Terma, Max
Summary: Pendrell returns to earth and has close encounters with Mulder, Krycek and Scully.
Beta Thanks: Joy, Gaby
Disclaimer: Pendrell, Mulder, Krycek and Scully belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. No infringement of rights is intended.

Sean Pendrell sat calmly, his hands folded in his lap, in front of a huge oak desk sporting a placard that read "Appeals." It was easy to be patient; he had all the time in the world. Across the desk, an ageless white-haired lady meticulously reviewed his 1228-S.

"So, young man, you feel that since you took a bullet for her, you deserve a kiss?"

"Yes, ma'am."

The winged bureaucrat rose and floated to a raised platform at the back of the room. Behind the high bench sat three elderly authorities under a large wooden sign that read, "Rules." The appellate woman quietly conferred with a balding figure above.

When she returned she stamped Pendrell's 1228-S, passing two copies of the document to him, and keeping two others--presumably for the files. At the top of his copies, in blue ink, was stamped, "GRANTED."

He felt a tingle of anticipation, as the old woman spoke to him. "You may proceed to Wish Fulfillment. Down the hall, second door on the right."

The wooden door had stick-on lettering that read, "ish Fulfillment" A gooey red "W" lay crumpled and hanging from the bottom edge of the door, which creaked as he pushed it open. Inside he saw a tow-headed adolescent boy fiddling with the lock on a file cabinet. Stepping inside, he looked down and spotted a hand-printed sign that read, "Out to Lunch," with his own footprint on it.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt your lunch."

The boy quickly turned to face Pendrell, gave him the once over and flashed a sly grin. "'S'okay. No problem."

The blonde kid was pale with flushed cheeks. Not something you saw up here much. Pendrell handed him the forms.

The kid looked through the forms and chewed the end of a Bic pen, thoughtfully. "Well, if you want a kiss we'll have to give you a body."

Pendrell just nodded. He didn't know much about this wish granting business. It seemed prudent to agree. While the boy opened a desk drawer, Pendrell looked around the room, spotting what was clearly a Batman suit on a hanger on a hook by the window. A giant horned Viking helmet sat on the edge of a table. You had to wonder about the wishes of other dead people.

The boy paged through a fat file that was labeled "Short-term Possession." "Any body in particular?"

"Uh... As long as he's, you know, about my age. Could you make him good looking, too? Otherwise, it doesn't really matter, I guess."

The boy made some notes on another form. A 2005-R. He stapled that form to one of the 1228-S forms and stuck it in his in-basket. On the other 1228-S, he made a cryptic note: ASK 6/9/67. He handed the form back to Pendrell.

"Uh, what do I do now?"

The boy glanced at his watch. "Just take your regular afternoon nap." He looked up at Pendrell and winked. Something about that wink didn't seem right, but Pendrell dismissed it. He was still new to this place, after all.

At ten till two that afternoon, Pendrell fluffed up his cloud and lay back in anticipation. He fell asleep dreaming of the beautiful red-haired FBI agent.


His first awareness when he woke was of extreme lust, but something was wrong. Very wrong. The groaning body under Sean Pendrell's was face down. Smooth white skin and clearly defined muscle made up the shoulders and back of a body that was alarmingly male. He was balanced over his lover on one arm. Because he only had one arm. His left biceps terminated in a gruesome stump. As if in compensation for the truncated limb, his cock was very large. And buried in the man's backside. He'd never put his dick there before.

In fact, he'd never put his dick anywhere but his own hand. Except for that time he'd jerked off into a pair of silk panties he'd stolen from his older brother's girlfriend. He tried really hard not to count the time he'd lost his virginity in a pity fuck at the Chemistry Club graduation party.

A breathless and oddly familiar voice spoke to him. "Don't stop, Alex. Pleeeease. Give it to me baby."

Pendrell grunted in reply. A shiver of terror slid down his spine. His erection was beginning to flag. He clamped his eyes closed and tried to think of Scully. As soon as he stopped focusing on the shocking situation, he realized that the tight place sheathing his cock actually felt really good.

Pendrell started moving, unfortunately Pendrell's inexperienced hips made each thrust short, jerky and quick.

"Alex, what the hell are you doing? You're fucking me like a bunny!"

Pendrell stopped. He had never known sex to be slow and drawn out. But he could try. He slid almost all the way out, then slowly pushed back in. He let this body tell him what to do--and did this body ever know what to do.

"Oh, yeah. Fuck--"

The voice died off as Pendrell threw his head back and shot hard into... well, someone. It had never been like this before. There was a rushing in his head and ears. The tension and release in his body defied description... The ass squeezing his dick was just so...

The body under Pendrell bucked him off and turned around.

// Oh shit! Fox Mulder. This must be some sort of cruel joke. //

Special Agent Fox Mulder's substantial erection was pointing at Pendrell.

"Damn you! You know I hate that."

"Uh, sorry," replied Pendrell. He had no idea what to do or say. "I'm really sorry."

Mulder looked at him like he was a suspicious alien autopsy. "Well, do something about it. Now!" The agent's hand found the back of Pendrell's neck and was guiding his head downwards.

Pendrell had never swallowed anything that big without chewing it first. As his face zoomed toward Mulder's swollen cock, he jerked himself free and landed ass first on the floor by the bed.

Mulder's frustrated face loomed over him. "Jeez, Alex. What's wrong with you?"

"I don't, I can't, I'm not feeling too well... right now," Pendrell muttered.

"Don't you dare leave me like this!"

Pendrell reached for his pants. "Can't I just owe you one?"

"Are you still mad about the butt plug?"

Pendrell fumbled trying to dress himself, the stump waving wildly.

Mulder shook his head, clearing the last of the lust fog. "Hey babe, you're shaking. Let me help you."

Pendrell stepped backward "No, no. I can do this. It's really alright Fo, uh, Mul... I'm okay." He turned his back to the agent. Pendrell eyed a door leading to what appeared to be a bathroom. Grabbing his clothes in a wad, he dashed into the room, shutting the door behind him. With a sigh of relief he sat on the toilet seat, hugging the clothes to his chest.

Suddenly the bathroom door opened. Mulder appeared with an armload of clothing, which he tossed next to the sink. "Thought you might want your clothes. Those are mine." The older man felt Pendrell's forehead. With a shrug, he took fine wool and cotton from Pendrell's trembling arms and exited the room.

The click of the door shutting helped to still Pendrell's racing heart. He reached out and turned the lock.

After a few calming moments, he rose and reached for the clothes that Mulder had left. He caught a glimpse in the mirror.

// Oh, shit. Not that Alex. Alex Fucking Krycek. //

Krycek's Adam's apple bobbed as he examined the man whose body he possessed. Vivid green eyes, delicate nose, afternoon beard, broad shoulders--except for that horrible arm. Next time he went to Wish Fulfillment he'd have to specify his requirements more carefully... Was it too much to ask for four good limbs? However, even soft, this cock was very generous.

// And it's been places, yours has never been. //

Krycek's clothing consisted of Levi's 501's, a white t-shirt and a pair of socks. No underwear--probably lost under Mulder's bed. He wasn't about to go looking for it. The simple act of sliding into a pair of jeans was no mean feat with one arm. It took about ten pulls on each side of his body to get the damned things up his hips. His first attempt at the button fly brought tears to his eyes.

// Okay body, you know what to do; I don't. Get me dressed. //

If he didn't think about it too much, Krycek's body did seem to know how to dress one-armed. Finally he pulled on his socks.

When he found enough courage to open the door, Mulder was resting naked on the bed, wiping at his groin with a towel. Sneering in Pendrell's general direction.

Some sort of weird embarrassed smile appeared on Pendrell's face. "Hey, that was great, umm, sorry. I'd better go now." Pendrell backed away while looking around for his shoes.

// Which shoes? Not the Cole Haan's surely. // He groaned inwardly when he saw Dr. Martin's 18-hole lace-up boots. Pendrell grabbed the boots and turned to walk out.

"Don't forget, Alex. You owe me," Mulder growled at Pendrell's back.

"Oh, don't worry. First chance I get... as soon as I'm feeling... more myself."

Outside of apartment 42, Pendrell sagged against the wall. Just getting away from the all-too-special agent was a huge relief. Then he heard the sound of the door. He closed his eyes, pretending to be dead, hoping Mulder would just go away. After a muted thud, the door closed again. Steeling himself, he opened his eyes and looked down. A heavy leather jacket lay at his feet. With a ghostly white hand sticking out of from under it.

Pendrell shivered. He pushed the jacket aside with one sock-clad foot and eyed the prosthetic grimly. Picking it up cautiously, as if he expected it to attack him, he examined it and pronounced it harmless. Not the least interested in wearing the thing, he tucked it into the armpit of Krycek's truncated arm.

With his good hand, he grasped the jacket, hauling it and the boots toward the elevator.

A few blocks from Mulder's apartment he found a coffee shop. Things were looking up. A side zipper had made the boots put-on-able. Krycek's pockets were filled with goodies. A Glock automatic. A dagger with a blade longer than Krycek's dick. A half-eaten chocolate bar--Valrhona--the really good stuff. A wallet containing more than $500. Three drivers' licenses--none in the name of Alex Krycek. A key ring with keys to who knew...

Of course, he still had the face of a wanted felon.

His wrist itched, but as he reached to scratch it he found it wasn't there.

// Jeez, how did this guy deal? //

Pendrell wondered idly if he could just go back and forget this ever happened. Wish Fulfillment didn't seem so terribly important right now. He didn't know how this worked, but in the movies the person given the second chance stayed on earth until somehow the mission was completed.

That was the real problem. He'd returned to get a kiss from Dana Scully, but Alex Krycek was the last person on earth Scully would want to kiss.

// I suppose I could just jump her outside of her apartment, but that wasn't quite what I had in mind. Besides, she'd probably kill me before I could pull it off. //

Of course, that wasn't really his problem, was it? Hard to get too worked up about getting Krycek killed on his mission. It didn't seem like a very considerate thing to do, but the assassin wasn't exactly Mr. Nice-Guy himself.

But pouncing on Scully was definitely not part of his game plan. It would be like defacing the Mona Lisa. Agent Scully was perfection. Intelligent. Forceful. Courageous. Smooth white skin. Penetrating blue eyes that in certain light appeared green. Delicately rounded lips. Silky red hair. Slender, but curvy figure. And she looked damned good in a decontamination suit.

Pendrell sighed into his decaf.

Tricking her wasn't right either. That left him only one choice.

He put on the leather jacket, paid for the coffee and headed toward the café exit.

Pendrell heard a voice behind him. "Hey, mister. You umm... forgot your arm."

He turned around sheepishly and muttered, "Thanks." Retrieving the arm, he left the coffee shop and hailed a cab.


Pendrell took a deep breath and knocked on her door.

Unsurprisingly, she greeted him at gunpoint. "Hands up you rat bastard."

An arm and a stump rose. A prosthetic arm clattered to the ground.

Scully's eyes flicked momentarily to the white plastic thing, before returning to the criminal before her.

"Agent Scully, it's not really me. I didn't mean that... I mean I'm not Alex Krycek..."

She gestured inside him with the gun. "Sure."

He followed her lead, happy to be admitted into her home. "No, really. I'm Sean Pendrell. Don't you remember me? I tried to buy you a drink on your birthday. You touched me... of course I was dying at the time, but still..."

Agent Scully unceremoniously kicked the prosthetic into the room, slamming the door behind her. "Are you drunk, Krycek?" She reached into his jacket, retrieving the Glock and the knife. Her delicate hands slid down his denim-clad thighs seeking other weapons. Quite nice, that.

"No. I'm not. I swear... I mean I think I'm not drunk. I'm not really sure. I know I look like him, but it's really me. I got a second chance to come down here and get... well, let's not go into that just yet, but it's really me, Pendrell."

Scully eyed him like a dead bug on her shoe. She backed him into a corner by the window. "Squat," she ordered.

"But Agent Scully..."

Her SIG Sauer found his temple. "I SAID SQUAT."

"Yes ma'am," he replied. Krycek's knees creaked as they lowered him to the ground.

Scully put one end of a pair of handcuffs around his wrist and attached the other to her radiator.

"Please listen. This is like an X-file, you know. I'm really Sean Pendrell in Alex Krycek's body. I can prove it... ask me anything..."

Scully retrieved her cordless phone and dialed.

"Your blood type is B-positive. I once stayed all night in the lab analyzing green goo for you."

"Mulder, it's me."

"Oh, shit. Not Mulder. Scully, pleeeaassseee."

"Alex Krycek just knocked at my door." "How should I know why he's here? He's agitated, maybe under the influence of something." "I don't see how it can do any harm if I talk to him. He's cuffed to the radiator." "Okay, see you shortly."

"Scully, do you remember the time Holly invited me to the all-girl lunch? I thought I was going to have a great time, but I swear all they could talk about were Skinner's pecs. Surely you remember that?"

Scully put her hand on his forehead.

"I came all the way back from the dead for you. The least you could do is listen." Pendrell realized that he'd been yelling. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to raise my voice."

The beautiful redhead picked up her medical bag and brought it to his side.

Pendrell tried to calm himself down. This return trip to earth was turning out to be much more stressful than he'd imagined.

Scully listened to his heart with a stethoscope.

"At the 1996 Christmas gift-exchange, I drew your name. I gave you a heart-shaped box made out of cherry wood. On the inside, there's a piece of red felt. If you peel back the felt, your initials and mine are carved underneath."

"Why are you here? What are you trying to pull?"

"Do you still have the box? Get it. I'll prove it once and for all."

She relinquished the stethoscope and left the room. Returning with the cherry wood box, she dumped the contents--foreign coins--on the coffee table. "Okay, Krycek. I'll play along for a moment." Scully glared at him. The felt was glued down so well she had to use needle-nosed pliers to get it up. It came off in pieces. And then she stopped. "What's your middle name?"

"Alan. DKS & SAP, right?"

The beautiful agent eyed him curiously. "What do you want?"

"A kiss," Pendrell muttered. He could feel heat as his face flushed.

She snapped at him, "What!?"

"I mean I died and everything. A kiss doesn't seem like too much to ask, does it?"

"Krycek, I wouldn't kiss you if you were the last man on earth."

"I'm not Krycek! Didn't I just prove that?"

"You must have known Pendrell..."

"I am Pendrell and I didn't know him... Krycek, I mean."

// Okay, chill Pendrell. She's starting to believe you. Don't get testy. //

"Scully, ask me anything you want. What would it take to prove it?"

She rolled her eyes.

"What harm could it possibly do? Ask me. Please."

// Too bad I'm not Mulder. He could talk her into anything. //

After a long pause, she spoke. "One time in the lab you almost drank something instead of your coffee..."

"Eugene Tooms' urine sample."

She was far from convinced, but curiosity flared in those bright blue eyes. "You offered Mulder $50 for a photo of an UNSUB..."

"Flukeman. I wanted to use it on my web site, but I never got the picture. The damned thing escaped."

"We once donned level 5 decon suits--"

"Level 4 suits. There were black worms in a rock you got from Krycek. They killed a man who was wearing the same level 4 suit. Do you think I'd have gone in there like that for just anybody?"

Scully stared at him for a long time. She was thinking about it.

"I'm not exactly Mr. Cool, but I'm okay, right? I mean I died right in front of you. I kept thinking if only you'd kiss me..."

She closed her eyes and rubbed them. "You came here just to get me to kiss you?"

Pendrell nodded enthusiastically. "Would Krycek do that? Would he even make this up?"

A hint of a smile passed over her face and he knew that he'd won.

"Just a kiss... nothing more?"

Pendrell shrugged. "Just a kiss... it would mean a lot to me."

// It's not like I could do anything else cuffed to the floor by my only arm. //

And then Special Agent Dana Katherine Scully moved toward him. Pendrell got lost just looking into her eyes. He shivered with anticipation as SHE knelt beside him. He could feel her gentle breath on his cheek.

"If you're really Alex Krycek, I'm going to use your remains as paperweights."

Pendrell gulped.

Scully smiled innocently then leaned forward.

He'd never felt anything as soft as those lips. His body began to dissolve when her satiny tongue slid between his lips. His brain turned to Jello. She tasted like herb tea.

// Maybe I should move my lips or something... //

He had to make the most of his last chance. Pendrell allowed his tongue to slide into HER mouth.

// Yeah, this is... um... wow. //

There was a pounding at the door. "Scully! It's me. Let me in."

Scully broke the kiss, almost reluctantly.

In the next moment, Pendrell found himself outside of his body--or outside of Krycek's body--watching the scene from above as if in a dream.

Scully brushed her lips across Krycek's in a final caress as the front door to her apartment shattered open.

Krycek's eyes widened. He pulled back from her in stark terror, lipstick plainly evident on puffy lips.

Mulder's face took on the outrage of a three-year-old whose toy has been confiscated. "You little fucking bastard! How dare you leave my bed for... for her..."

A white mist seemed to form in the room dimming Pendrell's vision.

Scully stood to face her partner, mouth agape. "Your bed, Mulder?"

Krycek's head dropped as he muttered, "Oh, fuck."

Gradually the voices and the room faded away. Pendrell felt the fluffy reassurance of his cloud. As he woke from his nap, he savored the memory of the most fantastic kiss with a sexy special agent. Putting his dick up Mulder's butt hadn't been half bad either.

5 March 2000
(rev 6 Nov 2000)

Check out the sequel to The Kiss: Anal Sex for Dummies.

Loren Q & Louise Wu,  Email Us

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